The Question Is...

... What are you going to do?

The world's getting to be a nasty place.  That's a fact.  I know many people don't believe it, but that can only be because of the cosy little bubble they're living in.  There is a serious lack of loving care in this world we live in.

A friend told me about her little girl wandering off in a crowd...  not one person "rescued" the toddler clearly separated from her Mum.  She nearly made it out the door alone.  I've lost a child myself in a shopping centre and not one person even tried to help me find her.

I've heard about teachers eating nut bars in front of a little boy who keeps constant company with an epi-pen because of his severe allergies.

An early childhood teacher shared how other staff members at her centre ignored the regulations meant to protect children with serious allergies under their care.

These are matters of life and death, and we are living in a world so callous that many people don't care if their actions endanger the lives of innocent children.

In one instance that I know of personally (not just something I heard on the news), the lack of care in a person in authority did lead to a death.

These are not isolated incidents.  Elections are won and lost over the economy.  That's how much money I have to look after me. Meanwhile, abused children die in and out of state custody.  It is legal to brutally murder a baby while the mother is in labour. I kid you not.  Why do we care about money when children are dying?  Because we are a nation that doesn't care about children.  That is the stark and horrible truth.

I could go on and on about the lack of care and compassion in the world, evident by everything from the way people drive (ignoring road rules) to (lack of) customer service.  But that's not the point.  I could complain all day... And I would achieve... what?

The question is: what am I going to do?  What are you going to do?  Are we going to be like everyone else (while complaining about everyone else)?  Or are we going to be different?

Sorry, we can't change the world.  That's up to Jesus and God the Father - when they decide that it's time.

But we can choose not to be part of the world.  We can choose to be the person that grabs the runaway toddler (at the risk of being accused of child molestation).  We can choose to be the person who obeys the annoying rules (for the safety of others) that everyone else ignores.  We can stop complaining about the price of milk when there are children chained to carpet looms, paying off their parents "debts".

We can choose to be the people that care about children, and the elderly... and everyone else in between (whether they deserve it or not).  We can choose to be the people that see the people everywhere we go, not the dollar signs.  We can be the weirdos that actually stay home when we're sick - instead of "sharing" our germs because someone else "shared" their germs with us.  We can choose to be good.

There is just one way to be truly "good", and that is through God.

God is Love.

Not the "love" that gets advertised on Valentine's Day as being all about roses and warm and fuzzy feelings.  God is the Love that shows when no one is watching.  He is the Love that comes out in little actions, not just big ones.

It's in our tone of voice when we answer the phone for the 10th time in an hour and it's another survey.  It's in the expression on our face when we get stuck between two elderly ladies taking up the whole aisle while we're trying to zip through the supermarket.  It's in all the little ways we treat our husbands and children and parents and friends day after day, week after week, year after year.

You've seen the world for what it is - ugly and awful.  Now what are you going to do?

Rights or Responsibilities?

As a parent, I sometimes hear other parents say things like: "It's my right to raise my children whatever way I see fit." Or "no one has the right to tell me how to raise my kids."

Hmmm.  If I put myself in the children's shoes, I find these statements disturbing.  Really?  Do I have the right to fill "my" children up with several litres of coke per day?  Do I have the right to drag "my" sick children through the shopping centres with me because I need to do things for myself?  Do I have the right to farm "my" children out to the maximum possible of extracurricular activities until they are ready to keel over from exhaustion?  Do I have the right to scream at "my" children or refuse to talk to them because I am overwhelmed by life?

Legally, probably yes.  I've never heard of children being removed from their parents for any of the above reasons.

But what makes them "my" children anyway?  Do I own them as I do my car?  Did I earn the right to them as I did my driver's license?  Are they really "mine" to do with as I will?  Short of physical or emotional abuse, by law I guess I could say they are "my" children... But what can we expect for the future of our country and our world if we see children as objects that we own?

Isn't being a parent more about our responsibility than our rights?  God certainly says so.

Unfortunately, the only bit about parenting that some people read in the Bible is: "children, obey your parents" or "honour your father and mother".  But there are a lot of instructions to parents.  And a lot of instructions about life and love that apply as much to parents as to anyone else.  Unfortunately, instructions like:

He who spares his rod hates his son,
But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

are sometimes read as a license to beat our children, but notice the mention of love.  The point is that if we love our children, we will take responsibility to teach them what is right.  That may involve inflicting temporary pain, but true love (see 1 Corinthians 13 for an explanation of love) would never, ever allow us to injure our children.  If we love our children, we will be concerned about our responsibilties, not our rights.  Nowhere does the Bible tell us that we own our children to do with them as we will - including before birth.  

The Bible speaks of God's fury when children were passed through fire. (2 Kings 16:3; 2 Kings 17:31; 2 Chronicles 28:3; Ezekiel 16:21)  Such a practice seems barbaric today... and yet how many children are "passed through the fire" when they are sent out into a hostile world ill-equipped and unprepared for coping where they are not welcomed, but seen as a burden?  How many unborn children are "passed through the fire" because their existence is seen as being in some way "inconvenient" due to financial strain or career pressures, or disability.


Find me a  place where the Bible speaks about our rights as parents.  I haven't found one.


However, I have found this after a summary of God's commandments in Deuteronomy 6:6-7:

And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

God's way - the only way to true happiness and fullfilment - is a way of give.  As parents, our mission is to give to our children in a way that will prepare and equip them for that hostile world we will eventually throw them out into.  That's a tough love to give - it doesn't mean giving what they want, but what they need.  There is no easy way - you need try it only for a few days to know that with all of your being.

None of us are perfect - we will all make mistakes and let our children down.  I know that I do, and it's been really hard for me to swallow my pride and say "sorry" to my kids on those many occasions when I've been overcome by my own humanity.  But that's no excuse to give up and stop trying.


As parents, we have no "rights", only the responsibility to nurture our children and teach them what is Right - God's way.


If you are interested in what God has to say about parenting and marriage, you may be interested in the free booklet, Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension.

I Can't Fix It

I used to think (but never would have admitted it) that I could "fix" my kids' human nature just by being a really, really good Mum. I thought (without really thinking it) if I just gave them enough attention, enough "love", good food, etc, etc then they wouldn't need to lie or be sneaky. I thought they would grow up to be kind and thoughtful and good just from my hard work.

Then the bubble burst.

I can't fix me, so of course I can't fix my kids. The only remedy for human nature comes from God and we have to first see that and then accept it in order to be healed from our brokenness. Kids can't - not yet.

No matter how "good" I am at being a Mum (and I can't really be that good at it because I still have my own human nature to contend with), there is no short-cut to "goodness" for my kids - no bypassing the need at the very core of their being for God to rebuild them from the inside out.

God has given my husband and I the job of teaching our kids right from wrong, based on the Bible. He expects us to do our very best. It is not our job to fix them. If we try, we put ourselves in the place of God - we become our own idols.

It's hard to let go of that. I have to remind myself. Every. Single. Day. I am not God. I cannot fix it. Let God fix it. In His time. In His way. It won't just be OK - it will be better than I can even imagine.

My great hope is that my kids will choose as they grow up to let God fix them. My hope is that we will share eternity together.

If you have found this post encouraging, try listening to the fantastic sermon, Are You Playing Church?

At Least She's Reading Something?

"At least she's reading something." I hear a lot of mums say, with a roll of their eyes when they talk about the books their kids are reading.

Then follows an awkward silence. I don't quite know what to say. I'm not familiar with the books they're talking about, but it gets me thinking. Does it matter what my kids read, as long as they're reading something? Are there books that I shouldn't let them read - even if it's the only thing they want to read?

The world of the mind is just as real and powerful as the world of the body. I have visited friends in hospital who were having serious hallucinations. Among the many lessons I learned from this, one that stood out was that the imaginary world has a lasting impact on us.

What do sick people have to do with what my eight-year-old is reading?

Just that the world of the mind that children (and adults) enter when they read is part of who they are. Scientists have recently discovered what God told us thousands of years ago in Proverbs 23:7 "as he thinks in his heart, so is he". (NKJV*) This is why early Christians were instructed in Phillipians 4:8, "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right ... think about such things". (NIV) Elsewhere, the Bible says in Ephesians 6:3 that certain things should "not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints".

Reading isn't valuable of and by itself but is a great tool for learning and growth. Like any tool, though, it can be mishandled, leading to destruction. If you gave a child a hammer and he used it to construct a nuclear weapon, you probably wouldn't say "at least he's building something."

Our children's minds are a defining aspect of who they are - more so than their bodies. A loving parent wouldn't let a child eat only junk food, so is it wise to let them constantly read "junk" books? No loving parent would knowingly let their child eat poison, so should we let our children poison their minds with something that makes (for example) hurting others (in any way - including lying, stealing, cheating, teasing...) seem OK?

I believe it's more important for me to keep track of what my kids are reading than it is to make sure they brush their hair and clean their teeth. Better to prevent a rotten mind than to try to cure it.

*All Bible references are from the New King James Version (NKJV) unless otherwise noted.

Why Is It So Hard To Really Love My Kids?

In that afterbirth glow, I felt like I would do anything for my kids. Even while I was pregnant, I was prepared to move mountains for them. Well, sort of.

Why is it so hard to really love my kids? I'm talking about hard like threading a camel through the eye of a needle. Like picking up a mountain and planting it in the sea. Really hard.

Sure, I serve them first at dinner time... That way I can enjoy my meal in peace. Sure I hug them lots - that gives me a warm glow that makes me feel good. Sure I feed them healthy food... because healthy kids are happier kids. None of that means that I really, truly love them.

See (I actually do know the answer), true love is too hard for normal people. We are able to give something that looks a lot like love, but in the bible there's this word for love in Greek: Agape. It means pure, self-sacrificing love that seeks nothing in return. Just a few days ago we observed Passover, a memorial to Jesus Christ dying a horrible death because of His love - Agape - for mankind. The bible tells us that God IS Agape.

It's so hard to really love my kids because on my own I'm incapable of Agape love. The love that our kids need is more than a warm and fuzzy glow. If real love were easy, then I wouldn't have eaten so much chocolate while I was pregnant. If real love were easy, then supermarkets would sell a lot less lollies. If real love were easy, then I wouldn't yell at my kids just because I'm frustrated. If real love were easy, then I wouldn't pretend not to see my kids being naughty (because dealing with it is hard work for me). If real love were easy then... well, you fill in the blank - we all have ways we let our kids (and others) down because real love is humanly impossible.

But there's hope! Firstly, God loves my kids more than I can ever even imagine. He also loves me. And if I turn to Him and try to obey Him, God will put His love in me. Still hard work, but no longer impossible. With God all things are possible - things like threading a camel through the eye of a needle.

To read about God's plan for your family, take a look at Marriage and Family: The Missing Dimension